“self love is a long dance that you will routinely fall out of rhythm with, forget the steps to, and struggle to master, but darling, no one said practicing this dance would be easy.”

— iambrillyant

It’s 6:26am during the heatwave, the weather is hot and sticky, my body is hot from a little sunburn and rays and rays of sunlight are streaming in through my windows. The fan is keeping me cool, a long with the iced cold water I’m drinking. I love days like this. In fact, I live for days like this. Days where you wake up early and catch the, quiet, morning sun. Head for a long walk, head back home, make a quick lunch and then go straight down to the beach. Filling that time with the morning routine you didn’t yet get a chance to do, meditating, journalling and reading, which is much better down the beach anyway. A morning dip, the feeling of the cold, refreshing water cooling down sun kissed skin and drenching your hair, leaving you feeling rejuvenated and fresh, to then lay down on your towel, put your fav songs on and drift off into a daydream, a nap, or thinking of things you want to accomplish and do…

it’s been a week where a lot of growth has been happening, tons of realisations and a lot of ‘trying’ to be nice to myself. perhaps too personal, but i’ve only started to really realise how much my little sister, Macey, who died when I was 5, has significantly effected so much of my life, even now i’m 25. how it formed into panic attacks, and then manifested into gut and stomach problems. trying to get to the route problem is hard, you have vivid flashbacks, intense feelings, reminders, concerns and it can be hard to talk about it. I think that’s all I want to say today, but i’m doing the work and trying to grow through the trauma and all the ways it’s made me “me” and looking at how certain elements need to be deconstructed in order for wings and pure happiness to develop.

but as the quote says “no one said practising this dance would be easy”. things that are worth it aren’t always easy. but it will be worth it. self love is filled with many different meanings, and it’s about finding the one that works for you depending on what you are currently going through, working through, or needing.

summer, summer. i’m so happy you are here.

A, x

arlissa - healing